Holiday Political Stress
Managing Family and Politic Stress when Together
How to Cope with Conflict, Disagreement and Stress this Holiday Season
This holiday season will be different. Many families will not agree as per the polarization of our current political climate. In addition, there may be outliers in families including in-laws and friends who may not want to meet at all this holiday season. If you do choose to gather over the holiday, please read our political stress tips below.
It might be the elephant in the room during the holidays: a politically divided family that parallels a politically divided nation. This season family political stress is inevitable. We as a nation have felt the sentiment of “Us vs. Them” that has reverberated to the point where family gatherings can become contentious. You may be dreading the holidays, anticipating arguments, tension, contempt, discomfort, or disappointment as your family, much like this nation, is asked to come together. Our politics are deeply personal and often reflect deeply held values.
It can be difficult to reconcile your love for your family and their political opinions.
Here are some helpful family political stress tips:
Let Politics Come Naturally
Purposely mentioning political hot buttons will inevitably cause stress. It’s unlikely anyone will change their political views during a single conversation. Trying to “help someone see the light” can be perceived as condescending and unappreciated on both sides. Don’t let your desire to stir the pot get in the way of the need of others for connection and joy. If political issues arise, acknowledge that other people want to have a pleasant gathering and connect with family in a meaningful way. Consider addressing the issues at a different time.
Check with Yourself
If you decide you want bring up politics, ask yourself:
What are your intentions? Can you have a positive back and forth conversation? Can you reserve your judgment?
Set Personal Ground Rules
Before engaging in a political dialogue, set personal ground rules: How long should this go? Can I make this light-hearted? What areas am I likely to get upset about? How can I ask for clarification?
Can I find common ground while stating my perspective?
Recognize when political discourse is not productive, helpful, or even getting hostile. Create an exit strategy for yourself.
Set Firm, Yet Warm Boundaries
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- You can be yourself and own your values, all else will shift accordingly.
- You can love someone and not tolerate their maltreatment.
- You can utilize “I-statements,” which allow you to convey your feelings in a way that won’t put others in a defensive mode. Try to focus on owning feelings instead of stating perceptions as truths.
- Emphasize the behavior when you set a boundary rather than attacking someone’s character.
- If you’re hosting a gathering, you can put out a humorous sign that says “no politics zone.”
- Take a break. You can go for a walk, help out in the kitchen, and remove yourself from a situation that is unpleasant.
Deflect
If a family member broaches the subject of politics, you might feel the urge to engage or flee. You may want to stay out of it all together or help diffuse a potentially heated conversation. Try these deflecting ideas:
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- Change the subject
- Ask for someone to pass you something
- Start a much more interesting or funny conversation with someone else near you, giving others an out.
- Compliment the food/ chef(s). Flattery works at disarming people.
- Use humor
Remember, this is a stressful time for all of us. We are in a grieving mode which creates irritability, denial, and sadness. Look for opportunities to connect, engage, and find familiar faces of encouragement.
Acceptance
It can be difficult to reconcile your love for your family and their political opinions.
It’s up to you to decide if your love is conditional or not and if you want to commit to that decision through your actions. If you have decided that you can hold love for a relative, despite their imperfections, choices, ideologies, etc. it can be helpful to emphasize why you love them and what you love about them. Above all, grant grace, just as we want to be granted grace for our mistakes, imperfections, and growth-edges. Who among us is perfect?
It’s important to avoid reducing another individual to an all or nothing dichotomy (such as all good or bad). Humans are much more complex than this. Let go of the notion of “Us vs. Them,” or enemy vs. friend. It can be helpful to emphasize what you like about the other and recognize that people change, relationships shift, nothing is permanent.
Happy Holidays and More to Read on Political Stress
During such uncertain, hyper-partisan, and controversial times, it is easy to cling to these values and put them above all else. However, what happens when you value family and politics and these values seem to be at odds?
Notably, our founding fathers wanted us to fight and argue over policy; they believed that this would assist in creating a better, more refined country. If we did not have competing political ideas and ideologies, we’d likely stagnate as a country or be more like an autocracy. To have different political leanings and caring about politics is inherently American.
View these gatherings as a chance to cultivate compassion and personal growth. Empathy and compassion are the antithesis of division and anger. Place yourself in the other’s shoes. Suffering and fear are a guaranteed experience for everyone at some point in their life. When you listen to understand their suffering, your heart can open up to them even more. Whenever you feel pulled towards disliking someone, or feel irritated, switch gears and try to see how their words or actions are likely a means of finding happiness and moving away from personal suffering. While their means of doing this may be different than your own (or even confusing to you), highlight the universality of suffering and note that you too want happiness, a better world, and want to evade negative feelings. Cultivating compassion takes practice, don’t be hard on yourself if you find it challenging at first. Just keep at it. Start now.
We have to accept that people have a right to their political beliefs and the freedom to vote for the candidate they believe in. It’s not up to you to impose your values onto someone else, as it is not right for someone else to do so to you. Try to approach the holidays from a place of love and respect and meaningful connection instead of division.
add’l content by:
Sofia Alvarez, Psyd
David A. Morris, LCSW
