Honor Your Emotions
Your strong emotions may be a blessing
A young woman, Jessica, has often been anxious but since she’s been with her partner, the anxiety has gotten much worse. It has been over a year now and she just can’t put her finger on what is wrong with her. She uses all the coping skills: deep breathing, playing games on her phone, yoga and going for a walk. It helps her to feel better for a bit but soon thereafter the anxiety is right back.
When most of us think of unpleasant emotions, such as anxiety or anger, we usually think they are to be managed and controlled. This is true — sometimes. But what if there is something deeper, more meaningful trying to be conveyed? Maybe our unpleasant emotions are calling us to action. Perhaps they are pointing towards living our richest and most fulfilled lives.
Learning to Listen to Your Feelings
Instead, we find ourselves suddenly experiencing outbursts of anger. Perhaps we’ve typically been a little anxious but now we are struggling with constant racing thoughts. Maybe a good night’s sleep is becoming harder to get. Have you considered learning to listen to our emotions? It could help to uncover a better way of living and improve your relationships. These blessings aren’t just something we receive, but meant to transform us in order to live our best lives. It is our job to become curious and act upon them honorably.
Here are some areas to examine when having strong emotions:
Less Judging and More Honoring – More often than not we feel our more challenging emotions are to be managed. We might label ourselves as “bad,” or that feeling strongly means something is “wrong” with us. If we can shift our thinking to being curious about these emotions in order to seek the deeper call to action and then follow through with that action, we may live richer more fulfilled lives.
Blessing Can Come with Difficulty – Our difficult emotions such as anxiety or anger then have the opportunity to bless our lives within ourselves, our current relationships and all relationships to follow. By correcting our thinking, we allow ourselves to have control over our emotions.
Using the Wise Mind – By stringing together a series of momentary shifts in thinking, we could create lasting and more sustainable change. Then, on a deeper level, we can become better partners, parents, friends and sons or daughters—a gift that keeps on giving.
In our example, Jessica experiences racing thoughts, uneasiness, and constant thought that she is doing something wrong. Her partner is always telling her she’s too sensitive. She just wants to be near him but is labeled needy. She is seeking treatment for her anxiety and just wants it to go away. In therapy, she discusses what she wants out of a relationship. She believes her expectations are too high and the love she is seeking is unattainable. So instead, she decides to “fix” herself.
Emotions Act as a Signal
Now imagine a sort of paradigm shift where nothing is “wrong” with Jessica but rather her anxiety is acting as a signal there is a problem within her relationship. She can choose to change the situation or the way she is responding to it in order to have a lasting decrease in anxiety. Jessica explored her anxiety and found that she was dismissing her desire for affection. She labeled it as wrong as opposed to honoring the fact that she desires affection. She can correct her thinking and honor her desire for affection in her relationship. If he insists she is wrong for wanting affection and she agrees with him; her anxiety will persist as she is not honoring her true emotion. What if her partner thinks, “Jessica likes affection and I do not like affection”, they may be able to find a way to compromise and problem-solve.
What is actually increasing the anxiety in this situation?
It’s the error in thinking something is wrong with wanting affection or not wanting affection- neither is wrong they are simply different. With this correction in thinking both partners would be able to live more fulfilled lives by honoring their true desires and needs. Now they could act upon them accordingly without pointing fingers.
If you are having strong emotions and need a partner to walk by your side and explore your relationships, please contact one of our compassionate and knowledgeable counselors at Bluestone Psychological. Click our quick and easy form and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Add’l content provided by:
Christine Kobik, LPC
David A. Morris, LCSW
